There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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