I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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