I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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