it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
