I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
