just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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