can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
