My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
