shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
