onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
