my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
