he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
