It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
