She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
