he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
