i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
