So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
