Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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