I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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