I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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