so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
