i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
