Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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