apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
