I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
