Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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