There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
