I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
