I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
