Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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