I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
