shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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