You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
