i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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