just come out here and I will go home with you...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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