You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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