dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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You. Win. At. Life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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