finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
