Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
