I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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