Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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