I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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