remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
