bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
