Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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