he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
