just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Enjoy the penises
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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