She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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