I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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