my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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