Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
