just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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