The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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