mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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