no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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