I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
farters have to be the big spoon...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
