Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
