I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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