you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't notice because vodka
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
