I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
