Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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