Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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