Sponge bath it is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Someone signed my nipple.
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