we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
