I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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