piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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