How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
